The Narcissist List

Hi Dear Reader,

Are you ready for a roller coaster ride? Not the fun kind, or even the fun scary kind that leaves your heart racing with excitement; but the scary kind that will have you questioning your sanity? The kind that leaves you exhausted and in a state of confusion. The kind that consumes you like a flame. The kind that leaves you asking, “What the HELL just happened?”. If given a choice then no, you wouldn’t choose to stand in line for this ride on purpose. That’s just it, for those of you wondering why on earth someone would jump on this psychotic crazy train ride, I can tell you that you have never been entangled with a narcissist. No one chooses this ride, it’s the kind of ride that seeks you out. The kind that hones in on you like a beacon. I tweeted once before that trying to explain a narcissist is like trying to explain what the air looks like. Join me as I try to give you a brief synopsis into what a narcissist looks like. You still won’t recognize them by their face, but you will recognize their actions if you stick around long enough.

A narcissist seeks out a person who is compassionate, loving, kind, and forgiving, then hates you for your qualities, because they see you as weak. But then hates you when you don’t display these qualities, because how dare you not extend them the kindness they deserve. I just buried my high school best friend, I need time alone. No one is ever there for me like I am them. A narcissist drives a calm soul into a sheer raving lunatic. Then they point the finger and whisper to their followers, just look, I told you she/he was crazy. That’s why I had to get away from them. Just how do they drive a wood post to madness?

First they reel you in with lies. Normal people don’t live their life revolved around lies, so they don’t assume everyone is lying to them. It only makes sense, so why wouldn’t you believe them? Those aren’t my contacts, they belong to someone else. Some lies are simple and believable. Some lies are so outlandish and you can’t help but ask a question. You ask a question out of arduous awe, concern or just curious how such a thing could happen. The train jumped five tracks and was struck by lightning three times before getting back onto the right track. Careful there reader, you just made offense number one. You must not believe them because you asked how that could happen, but you won’t know it yet until much, much later in your story. Now rewind time with your new knowledge and step back a few seconds because you want to avoid offense number one and don’t ask any questions. Too bad, you still committed your first offense. Why? Because you didn’t seem concerned or interested enough in what they were telling you to ask a question. Are you still with me, or are you ready to get off? That's too bad also, you don’t even realize you want off because the old cliché is true; how do you boil a frog? By heating up the water so slowly you don’t realize it. I spent seven days in the hospital and had four funerals, why would you put me through interrogation like that?

What do you have to do to make a narcissist mad? That’s a novel, but I’ll give a compendious list. Tell them the truth so they can use it against you later. Lie to them. Call them out on their behavior. Don’t call them out on their behavior. Wow, you’re not even trying to help me be a better person. Do exactly everything they want. Don’t do everything they want. Love them unconditionally. Don’t love them. Wow, my parents lost two tractors today and six cows, how could you be so cold? Show weakness. Don’t show weakness. Pine for them. Don’t pine for them. Be accepting when they make fun of people. Wow! You are so cruel for making fun of that guy. Enjoy their humor and laugh. How dare you laugh at me. Act like you care. Don’t act like you care. Text them cute, sweet things. God your too damn sensitive with all of your little texts. Make sure they made it home okay. Why are you checking up on me? You are so paranoid. Show them your heart. Stop being so sappy all the time. Push them to be a better person. Why are you always pushing me to be different? Just accept me like I am. I wish someone loved me enough to push me to do better. Be there for them. Well I need to go be with my family. I wish someone was always there for me, like I am for other people. Try to cheer them up. Why can’t you just leave me alone once in a while? Everybody needs space. Be romantic. Don’t be romantic. Be independent. Don’t be independent. Accept them as they are. Don’t accept them as they are. Encourage change. Why do you want to change me? Ask them questions to get to know them. Damn, stop asking so many questions. You never ask me anything about myself. I wish I had someone there for me when I’m going through things. Why are you always prying? Doing everything they want with sex, only to be called, a hoe, slut, cunt, bitch, etc. Not doing what they want sexually. You are such a prude, lighten up. Apologizing. Not apologizing. Pretty much the opposite of what you did five minutes ago, yesterday or last week, that's all it takes to make a narcissist mad or offend them.

You can meet every criteria on their list and yet you still wont meet the criteria. If a new fly unknowingly jumps in their web, you are definitely not going to meet the criteria. They leave you like frozen left overs because they may need to come back and feed when the new supply leaves. A narcissist is the epitome of contradiction in the truest form. Then they will hold up an empty frame and tell you it’s a mirror. They will tell you that it’s you that does and says all that stuff. Then they will call you every name in the book. It’s not a mirror, it’s a mirage.

Are you nauseous now reader? Does your head spin? If so, that’s just the tip of the vampires head. Be careful out there in this world.

Until next time

KJ

Until next time

KJ