Hold That Thought

     We are taught from as young as we can remember...Sshhhhh! Don't tell. Don't breath a word. Keep the secrets. You know what I'm talking about dear reader, the subtle abuse that you're programed to accept.  The abuse that comes in such small doses so that you do not recognize it. The abuse that we are taught to cover up.  The abuse that you're accustomed to living with. The abuse that allows monsters and demons into your life that want to tread on you however they please.  Growing up in abuse, is a prerequisite for stepping into adult abuse.

      Subtle abuse comes in the forms of; continuous let downs, white lies, yelling, broken promises, aggression, passiveness, mind games, guilt, mind trickery.  Shame on any adult who used any form of mind games on a child.  "Well, if you go, I'll be sad". That may sound harmless, but I assure you it's not. It is the start of accepting subtle abuse.  If you are among the most unlucky, the other form of abuse comes from a deeper darker place.  A place people want to pretend does exist except in stories or on the news.  The kind of abuse that people turn a blind eye to in hopes that such heinousness does not exist.  The kind of abuse that leaves you lying in fetal position trying to will your very existence away.  To preserve your sanity, you sachet into adulthood on dreams, fantasies and hopes of fairytales and knights on white horses. 

     Like a puppet master who passes the puppets onto a new stage, the acceptance of abuse lingers into adulthood.  It comes in heavier doses. It comes in unrecognizable doses. It comes packaged in such beauty that we are not able to see if for what it is.  We've been so programed to accept abuse as normal we are not able to distinguish what it really looks like.  For the people who were fortunate enough to grow up without abuse, they won't understand this mind set.  Their philosophy will be, "get over it, move on, forget it".  

      What I've learned for sure is that deep embedded abuse is no easy task to overcome.  If you touch a hot burner, you immediately jerk your hand away.  It hurts for a bit and then you heal and move on.  If someone holds your hand to the burner for a long period of time, it's going to be a bad burn and hard to recover from if ever.  This is the same concept for victims and survivors of abuse.  

A friend reminded me this morning that healing from abuse comes in layers. You can eventually move from victim to survivor, but move with purpose you must do in order to achieve healing. 

     Remember, you're every story you have secretly wrote in your head.  You're every memory you have ever conquered, You're every prayer you have ever prayed. You're every scar that's hidden under the surface that you allow no one to see. These are the fabrics of your strength woven together by every intricate road map that has brought you to where you are today.  You are no longer bound by the silent code into which you were born, to which you were forced.  You have a voice and it's yours.  It's yours to use, to be loud, and to tell whom ever you please.  The very story that brought you to a place of pain is the very story that will bring you to a place of healing.  You no longer have to "HOLD THAT THOUGHT".

Peace, Strength and Blessings

Kelvie Jay

Kelvie Jay